Frustration and My Stupid Wrist

5 Mar

It seems on every journey, you meet resistance and frustration with yourself.  It’s stupid really because the point of self exploration is to relax, do not judge, do not critique the progress.  Yet I have reached this point, AGAIN, where I am judging myself, beating myself up for not being where, in my mind, I have decided I should be.  Where should I be exactly?  The smart answer is, exactly where I am.  Not good enough for my ever demanding ego.  I want to escape this revolving door of being at peace with myself, and then berating myself.  I am not satisfied at where I am at in life, my marriage, yoga.  If I step back and look at myself with a calm non-judgmental attitude I would see that I am doing fine, actually wonderful.  Because I am working for what I want.  I am striving to reach a higher plane.  Yet, with my ego goggles on, I feel I am struggling, barely keeping my head above water.  I feel my progress isn’t enough, I am slacking off, being lazy.  It’s such a frustrating cycle of building up and then just tearing back down.  What do I have to prove though?  Why do I feel this immense time limit on growth and progress?  To make matters worse I have somehow screwed up my left wrist and it can’t bear and weight or pressure.  It’s going to set back my yoga practice and makes general life a pain in the ass.  ARgh I am so frustrated.  I tried my yoga practice this afternoon and it was so difficult.  I could barely do Down Dog with the brace and without it not at all.  Time to re-center and refocus but boy am I tired of being my own worst enemy.

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